MSC Week 5: May 6, 2021

“Living Deeply”

Video recording of the session

Here is a list of possible core values

New practice: Giving and Receiving Compassion (Kristin Neff version | Chris Germer version)

Core Values and Needs

The quintessential self-compassion question is, “What do I need?”, but we really can’t fully answer that question unless we also know what we value most—our core values. Both needs and values seem to reflect something essential in human nature. Needs are more commonly associated with physical and emotional survival, such as the need for health, safety, or connection, whereas values tend to have an element of choice, such as the choice to focus on friendship or creative pursuits. Knowing our needs and values supports our ability to respond with compassion in challenging times regardless whether we’re struggling to survive or searching for happiness (McGehee, Germer, & Neff, 2017).

Our suffering depends, in part, on our core values. For example:

  • If you value connection, having a friend cancel a visit may be deeply disappointing; but if you value private time, it may feel like an unexpected gift.  

  • Or suppose the company you work at tells you that you have to move into a new post which involves lots of travel to far-flung places. If adventure is one of your core values, but family isn’t, this might be great news; but if adventure isn’t one of your core values, and family is, so that you want to spend lots of time with your family, or settle down and start one, this news could lead to lots of suffering—anxiety, sadness, and stress, say. 

Goals and Core Values

The differences between goals and core values are:

  • Goals can be achieved; core values guide us after achieving our goals.

  • Goals are destinations; core values are directions. 

  • Goals are something we do; core values are something we are.

  • Goals are set by us; core values are discovered.

Many of our core values have to do with how we treat others, but many have to do with meeting personal needs that are deeply important to us.

Here is a list of possible core values

Social Norms and Core Values

There is also a difference between social norms and core values. If you feel energized and inspired by a particular motivation, then it’s probably an authentic core value, and not simply a social norm.

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, and ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the things I want to live for.”

Thomas Merton, from The Man in the Sycamore Tree (1975)