UW MSC CLASS
Week 1: September 22, 2022
“Discovering Our Group”
Home practices:
Soothing/Supportive Touch
Self-Compassion Break
Misgivings in MSC
Many people have misgivings or doubts about self-compassion that prevent them from practicing it. It's normal to have some of these misgivings, and even if you don't have any, you may know other people who do. Misgivings or doubts can also arise, or recur, as the program progresses.
Typically, misgivings are based on misconceptions about self-compassion. You are invited to test, explore, and share any misgivings you may have during the program.
Common Misgivings
• Self-compassion is a form of self-pity
o Self-compassion remembers that everyone suffers (common humanity) and doesn’t exaggerate the extent of suffering (mindfulness), so is not a “woe is me” attitude.
o Research shows that self-compassionate people are more likely to engage in perspective-taking rather than focusing on their own distress (Neff & Pommier, 2013). They are also less likely to ruminate on how bad things are (Raes, 2010).
• Self-compassion is weak
o Self-compassion is a strength that offers resilience when faced with difficulty.
o Research shows self-compassionate people are better able to cope with tough situations like divorce (Sbarra, Smith & Mehl, 2012), trauma (Hiraoka et al., 2015), or chronic pain (Wren et al, 2012).
• Self-compassion is selfish
o By including oneself in the circle of compassion (a humble agenda!), our sense of separation from others is lessened.
o Research shows self-compassionate people tend to be more caring and supportive in romantic relationships (Neff & Beretvas, 2013), are more likely to compromise in relationship conflicts (Yarnell & Neff, 2013), and are more compassionate toward others (Neff & Pommier, 2013).
• Self-compassion is self-indulgent
o Compassion wants long-term health as well as short-term pleasure, and wants to find the best balance between them. (As an analogy, think of a compassionate parent who doesn’t let their child eat all the ice cream they want, and who at least tries to find ways :) to get the child to eat some fruit and vegetables and whole grains.)
o Research shows self-compassionate people engage in healthier behaviors like exercise (Magnus, Kowalski & McHugh, 2010), eating well (Schoenefeld & Webb, 2013), drinking less (Brooks et al., 2012) and going to the doctor more regularly (Terry et al., 2013).
• Self-compassion is a form of making excuses
o Self-compassion provides the safety needed to admit mistakes, rather than needing to blame someone else for them.
o Research shows that self-compassionate people take greater personal responsibility for their actions (Leary et al., 2007), and are more likely to apologize if they’ve offended someone (Brienes & Chen, 2012).
• Self-compassion will undermine motivation
o Most people believe self-criticism is an effective motivator, but it actually undermines self-confidence and leads to fear of failure.
o Motivation with self-compassion comes from the desire for health and well-being. It provides the emotionally supportive environment needed for change.
o Consider the motivational impact of a harshly critical sports coach versus one who's kind and supportive.
o Research shows that self-compassionate people are no less likely to have high personal standards; they just don’t beat themselves up when they fail (Neff, 2003b). This means they are less afraid of failure (Neff, Hseih, & Dejitthirat, 2007) and are more likely to try again and to persist in their efforts after failing (Breines & Chen, 2012).
• In addition to the misgivings mentioned above, you may also notice that self-compassion makes you uneasy because you wonder if:
o It will open me too much to the pain in life.
o I will feel pathetic or needy.
o It will cause old hurts to resurface.
o It’s hard to practice.
o I feel I don't deserve it.
These concerns will be answered directly as they arise during the program. It's important to know it's normal to have these doubts or concerns—they're common and natural!