MSC, Fall 2023

Week 5: November 28, 2023

“Living Deeply”

Home practices:

  • Giving and Receiving Compasion

  • Compassionate Listening

Core Values

Core Values List (pdf)

Why include core values in MSC? 

The quintessential self-compassion question is, “What do I need?”, and in order to answer that question, sometimes we need to know what we value most in our lives - our core values.  Research has shown that affirming our core values enhances self-compassion (Lindsay & Creswell, 2014). 

  • Human needs and core values are fundamental to our sense of wellbeing. 

    • Human needs are commonly associated with physical and emotional survival, such as the need for health, safety, or connection.

    • Core values have more to do with meaning, such as the importance of friendship or creativity in a person's life. 

    • Of course, our needs and values overlap.  For example, a life without meaning is probably not worth living, so meaning is also necessary for survival. 

  • Knowing our needs and values supports our ability to respond with compassion in challenging times regardless whether we’re struggling to survive or searching for happiness (McGehee, Germer, & Neff, 2017).

  • Suffering is nested in a core value, so core values play a role in how much we suffer in life.  For example:  

    • If I value outdoor recreation, then not receiving a promotion that would have  demanded longer hours at the office might be a blessing.

    • If I need more money for my family, being passed over for the promotion could be devastating. 

    • If I value spending time with friends, then I will be disappointed when a friend cancels a visit.

    • If you value time for reading and reflection, then the cancellation becomes an unexpected gift.  

  • What is the difference between goals and core values? 

    • Goals can be achieved; core values guide us after achieving our goals.

    • Goals are destinations; core values are directions.

    • Goals are something we do; core values are something we are.

    • Goals are set by us; core values are discovered.

  • What are some examples of core values? 

    • Compassion

    • Generosity

    • Honesty

    • Loyalty

    • Courage

  • Many of our core values have to do with how we treat others, but many have to do with meeting personal needs that are deeply important to us. What are some examples of personal core values? 

    • Personal growth

    • Creativity

    • Tranquility

    • Exploration

    • Nature

  • What is the difference between a social norm and a core value? 

Does a core value energize us?  If it does, then it's probably an authentic core value and not simply a social norm.  Research has shown that self-compassion fosters authenticity, embracing who we are rather than who we are supposed to be (Zhang et al., 2019).  

“If you want to identify me, ask me not where I live, or what I like to eat, or how I comb my hair, but ask me what I am living for, in detail, ask me what I think is keeping me from living fully for the thing I want to live for.”
-Thomas Merton

Finding Hidden Value in Suffering

An important aspect of living deeply is learning from our struggles and challenges in life. While most of us are afraid of failure and hardship, it’s often failures and hardships that teach us lessons we wouldn’t have learned otherwise. 

Relevant quotes: 

  • “No mud, no lotus”  Thich Nhat Hanh (meditation teacher)

  • “Suffering leads us to beauty the way thirst leads to water.”  Jane Hirschfield (poet)

Challenges force us to go deep inside and discover resources and insights that we didn’t know we had. Sometimes we learn nothing from suffering, and our triumph is simply to return to ordinary life.  That’s okay, too!

Self-compassion helps us to feel safer, and it gives us the courage to turn toward suffering, be with it, and learn from it.

Compassionate Listening Instructions

During this week, when you have a chance, practice compassionate listening. Please see below the key elementos of this practice:

  • Listening carefully to what is being said without speaking. 

  • Feel in your body what the speaker is saying, as well as listening with your ears and with your eyes. 

  • Let yourself be touched or moved by what you hear. 

  • Not only are we practicing embodied listening, but also loving, connected presence --that is, compassion. Therefore, please allow warm feelings for the speaker to arise within you, and feel free to express compassion with your face and eyes. 

  • Please note your posture or body language and purposely adopt a comfortable, open and compassionate posture.